The Mansplainer Attacks Before Dawn
I’m sitting in St. Charles Tavern, pre-dawn, drinking coffee and listening to a mustachioed, 50ish guy dressed in a plaid shirt and a ball cap, deep of throat and shallow of content, loudly and with great passion explain to a young couple the difference between Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Buddhism.
In his strong Southern but not too Southern (north of I-10, for sure) drawl, he assures his congregation, which includes, accidentally, me across the room, that he knows all this because he opened his mind and Googled it up.
I hope the cook in the kitchen is handling my eggs with a less cavalier approach than this gentleman throws around such terms as monotheism, polytheism and “the feminine side of the Jews.” The young couple abides and debates, gently.
Oh, my. He has managed to throw in Greek mythology, because why not?
Finally, the sermon has ended. They have moved outside to a sidewalk table to smoke and prepare, presumably, for the sunrise service, which may be for the best, as I was about one half-truth away from going over there and complicating the situation.
UPDATE: This may be going badly. The young man on the sidewalk is now standing and pointing and drawing with his finger on the tabletop. An empty St. Charles streetcar rattles past, unconcerned. The older man waves his hands in clear counterpoint. I’m going to get out of here before a holy war breaks out.
Guy D. Johnson is a writer and marketing communications professional. Previously an animation studio owner, daily newspaper editor, reporter and photographer, volunteer fireman, railroad bridge gang helper, FM radio station underling and cave guide. He has lived on farmland trusted to the sun and rain; atop a wooded hill; beside great rivers; upon an arid, high plateau; and at the subtropical coast of the Gulf of Mexico. For 20 years, he worked and wrote in New Orleans.